Dear Maggie:
I don’t want to stop being an Ann Summers rep
"I am an Ann Summers rep and my
husband is currently training for
leadership in the church. However,
the church is taking a dim view of my
job and is not letting me organise the
mother and toddler group. They are
also threatening that my husband
will not be able to continue with his
training. I do not want to give up
something that I have become very
successful at, but also I do not want
to come between what my husband is
doing and the church.
At the parties I only show
underwear, nightwear and sex toys.
The majority of the catalogue is
these items, but on one page there
are some restraints, a spanker and a
couple of soft porn DVDs. I make it
clear that I am not happy selling these
items because of my Christian belief,
and my area manager is fine with that.
I feel that as a Christian woman I am
bringing my faith into a world that the
Church has hidden from for many
years. I also bring confidence to
women, especially those who want to
explore more with their partners."
This situation provokes those
around you to apply the logic of
their beliefs as to whether sex really is
good or ‘smutty’. Truth is, many
Christians deep down feel that sex is
intrinsically shameful and/or they are
understandably afraid of the power of
it. If we truly believe that it is a
God-given gift built into all human
beings, then our role in all aspects of
fallen humanity is to be forces to
redeem, purify and enhance that which
is good.
I suggest the products you are
promoting are predominantly neutral;
it’s the attitude and spirit with which
you present them that is all-important. I
respect and endorse your open decision
not to sell things that bring in potential
pain and degradation. Communicating
that provides a fabulous opportunity to
invest life-giving values to how people
approach sex.
If the tone you set to the parties
downgrades sex as something cheap,
without commitment to their partners
and honouring both people’s bodies,
then I would see this as inconsistent
with the gospel. However, if the
products are presented in a spirit of
bringing fun and creativity to respectful
and intimate relationships, uniting
a couple in meaningful love, then I
would see this as wholly consistent
with God’s good gift of sex.
This will be dictated by the
tone you set, though the design of
the clothes will also invoke sexual
attitudes. Clothes that introduce
fantasy role plays can be divisive to
true intimacy, as they can leave a
woman feeling that she is only sexy
to her partner in the role. However,
encouraging women to wear clothes
that make them feel more sensual
to me is something positive. Women
have often been worn down by the
responsibilities of life, losing their
ability to celebrate their femininity and
sexuality. In this way, they have been
robbed of God’s creation gift. If we can
give this back to them in a beautiful,
non-sordid way, then I believe that
reflects God’s longing for his children
to know that they are ‘fearfully and
wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:14).
Regarding sex toys, I believe
the context in which they are used
is very important, as I outlined in
my November 2010 column. If
they detract from a couple bonding
together, then they are undermining
their relationship and therefore not
to be recommended. However, if they
are mutually used to help stimulate
an orgasm, then I see little to worry
about. More often they are used by
single people wishing to manage their
sex drive. If this becomes addictive
then it is unhelpful, but if it helps
them to abstain from indiscriminate
partnering, then it is probably playing
a protective role.
Remember that in reality many
women are intimidated by Ann
Summers products, as they create
a pressure to perform sexually in a
way that is beyond their natural self-expression.
That is why they drink
alcohol to get through the evening.
This is damaging. It will therefore
be crucial that your presentation
endorses the guests to stay within
what is truly consensual and
comfortable for them, and resources
them in expressing touch as a love
language connected deeply with their
emotions. Touch and sexual displays
that are disconnected from the love
and confidence of the heart kill off the
soul, and with it our long-term libido.
I don’t believe it is our place as
Christians to impose our sexual ethics
on those who choose to currently
live outside of Christ. However, I
do believe that the attitudes and
values behind biblical sexual ethics
lead to greater wholeness and
happiness; I would therefore want
to coach people in these. It is these
values and attitudes that make how
we present sexuality to a secular
world life-giving and appealing. I
believe the dividing line with your
work as an Ann Summers rep is
going to be in the attitudes, values
and context you breathe into the
products, more than in the products
themselves. If you can help people
think about what sort of quality of
sex life they want to build, inspire
them to choose which products
will add to a quality of intimacy
and sensuality that strengthens the
bond of their relationship and their
mutual self-esteem, then you are a
true evangelistic discipler. However,
if you allow the parties to deteriorate
into trivialising the wonder of our
intimate relationships, our bodies and
emotions, then you are enhancing a
lust fire that destroys people’s souls
and self-confidence.
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