Ask Steve:
I'm doubting God
I’m the leader of a successful church in a good
middle class suburban area. On the face of
things, all is well and I’m very happy. However,
underneath it all, I have a growing number of
questions and doubts: not only about the way we
do church but about the nature of my own faith.
I love the people that I serve but I’m wondering
whether I would be more honest to resign my
post. It sounds mad and, although I love God, I
sometimes wonder whether he actually exists or
whether we are all just deluded.
Don’t beat yourself up so much. First, let’s remember that everyone doubts. Am I in the right job? Am I headed in the right direction? Am I with the right partner? Who am I?
Doubt is a part of the journey of faith. Because everyone lives by faith – whether it’s in God, our friends, or simply in our own wealth, health or looks – it also means that all of us live with a level of uncertainty. But, this ambiguity isn’t something to avoid. I’ve learnt that doubts, fears, struggles, probing, questioning and inquiring are all tools of faith rather than its enemies.
The very nature of faith implies uncertainty. Therefore faith and doubt are inextricably linked. We see this paradox in the words of the man who brought his sick son to Jesus seeking healing: ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’ (Mark 9:24).
Without room for doubt, faith just could not exist.
If we insist on clinging to the notion that, somehow, mature faith in God must represent a state of absolute certainty and stability, beyond the reach of all questioning and doubt, then we move it beyond the reach of the vast majority of humanity. Faith in Christ has always been, and will forever remain, just that.
And, ironically, those who take the journey of faith in Christ most seriously are likely to encounter deeper and more challenging dilemmas than those who meander along the way, or who never begin the journey at all. Choosing to follow Christ means engaging with our doubts rather than ignoring them.
By contrast, beliefs, when riddled with unexplored assumptions or over-zealous conviction, risk becoming dangerous.
The Bible is riddled with questions. Far from being a list of dogmatic statements, it is a rich maelstrom of ideas, ambiguities, explorations, wonderings and doubts; for instance, the books of Job and Ecclesiastes and many of the psalms. King David often demanded answers from God – and admitted that he didn’t always get them: ‘Why are you so far away? Won’t you listen to my groans and come to my rescue? I cry out day and night, but you don’t answer, and I can never rest.’ And, it was the first biting words of this ruthlessly honest psalm that Jesus made his own, as he hung, dying, on the cross: ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Psalm 22:1)
These unflinching cries for help show us that in those moments when we too ask questions of God and wait for an apparently non-existent response, we are not alone. Far from discouraging or suppressing our doubts, then, the precedents for questioning in the Bible are numerous and are as challenging and uncompromising as any questions you will find anywhere.
The Bible never patronises us with the trite promise that, if we believe, life will hold no mystery or that our doubts will evaporate. Rather, it constantly acknowledges that life is complicated, and that questions are an inescapable and essential part of what it means to be human.
Our questions about God are never to be feared. Instead, what we should all fear creating is a culture in which people either don’t have any questions or, worse still, don’t feel free to raise them. That’s called a cult!
So, should you resign your post as church leader because of your questions and doubts? In my view, absolutely not. In fact, I think that they could make you an even better, deeper and more helpful pastor.
Watch Steve discuss this question further on Premier.tv:
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